Today I am really missing my grandmother

My grandmother, my father's mother, died nine years ago. Shortly after J and I started dating, in fact, so he never met her. Most of the time when I think of her it is a happy, positive thing, because I have so many many wonderful memories of time spent with her as a child--she lived in Minnesota and we were in Ohio, so she would come visit us once a year and stay for two weeks at a time and it was really, really, really wonderful to have that extended time with her. When she died, she was prepared, and she went into the hospital with an uncurable condition knowing she wouldn't go through surgery or any drastic procedures. So as many members of my extended family as could all went out and stayed with her for a few days. I remember that time fondly--it was incredibly sad and I cried a lot, but we also laughed, told stories, and I learned more about my father's childhood and experiences growing up than I had at any other point before.

But today I just miss her so much. I keep remembering random bits of advice she gave me over the years. Just little stuff. Like, she told me that when she moved to Minnesota she stopped taking cream in her coffee because so many people drank it black. For some reason that stuck with me and I never took cream in my coffee either once I started drinking it (which was years and years after she told me that, funnily enough). She had a lot of wisdom, just sensible knowledge and advice built up after years and years of living a good life and watching others. And I am only just now starting to appreciate and understand many of the lessons she taught me.

I was thinking about her at the dinner table because we were talking about gift giving and how you have to just give a gift without attaching too much importance to what the recipient does with it after you've given it. My grandma always said to me that you have to give a gift with no expectations about how or what people will do with it, otherwise it's not really a gift.

So at the table I teared up and of course J and the kids were wondering, "what's wrong, Mommy?" I told them, and I started talking about my grandma's advice, and R said, "I know something else she told you."

Surprised, I said, "What was it, R?"

And R says, "When you're having fun, that's when it's time to leave."

She's right. That was something else my grandma used to tell me. I told it to R the other day when she was getting upset about having to leave a birthday party we were at. I told her the whole story, you know, "I'm going to tell you something my grandma used to tell me. She always used to say, 'it's better to leave while you're still having fun than it is to wait until the fun is completely over and then leave.'" I don't know that R completely believed me, but I'll fully admit that a lot of my grandmother's advice was stuff I didn't really understand until long after she'd given it to me.

Anyway, Grandma, I miss you. I so wish I could talk to you about everything that's happened over the last nine years. I love you.